Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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