he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have feelings that need drinking.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize