I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
