he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
