I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
