her vagine was all disorganized.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's shark week go big or go home
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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