I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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