found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
