I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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