I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
