why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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