The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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