trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
