drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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