I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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