shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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