just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
