if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
