woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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