It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
