So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
