i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
