I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The uberlube is also flammable
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
