I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
