Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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