I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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