We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
