My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
