Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
