btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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