i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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