it wasn't lemon gatorade
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
