i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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