and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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