i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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