can we get nightvision for the apartment?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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