i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
