why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
