and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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