I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
