Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
