i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
