I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
