So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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