So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
