at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
