You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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