fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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