I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.