my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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