fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work