I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*