i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular