It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.