I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
