i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
