Only a mothe r could love this liver
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
