Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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