if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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