just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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