I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
