I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
