it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
two words: eviction party
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
