There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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