Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
