yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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