i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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