Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
