How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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