im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
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dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
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Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf