Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.