i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
