i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
