i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
