I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
