p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
