Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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