True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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