Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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