Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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