The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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