Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
