Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
im on a boat
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