If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
