She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
