I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
