Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
