farters have to be the big spoon...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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