He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
