Just fell off a train. Bad.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
