we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
