May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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