i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
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