you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
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Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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