Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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